This goal was nearly the end of me.

Putting it bluntly, it nearly killed me. I have no other recourse but to be philosophical about it. I enjoyed my time training at Aikido but it will have to end now.

Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with a subdural haematoma and admitted to hospital for surgery almost immediately. The internal bleeding that was crushing my brain, causing violent headaches and swollen eyes, was the result of an injury sustained in the dojo more than two months earlier.

I am fortunate that the pain became so great that I elected to go to hospital. Without the body’s finest warning system telling me that something was wrong, I may have collapsed never to wake again.

I am out of hospital now, and recovering well. I am more fragile than before, with a hole left in my skull where the pressure was released, and the blood drained. There is always a risk of repeat injury, for which I will need to be on my guard against.

I intend to continue blogging about Aikido, out of my love and respect for the art and it’s philosophy. I might need a little time to think how best to communicate it through my blog ‘uchuuaiki’. Thanks for your readership up until this point, I look forward to your continued support in the future.

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Straight back into training for black.

“Work is love made visible.”
- Kahlil Gibran

Aikido is tough love, the injuries are sometimes quite brutal, and there is constant wear and tear on joints and ligaments. But we persist, even though the risk of injury is there. My neck is healing from whiplash sustained at practice, and although it is far from one hundred percent, I am glad that I have trained throughout my recovery.

Being more aware of my injury has helped me to become more aware of my equilibrium, my centre of gravity, and as a result last night I felt light and energetic for the first time in a long while. The chiropractic and massage therapy probably has a lot to do with it also.

It is hard not to flinch or baulk, and even more difficult to commit yourself to a technique if you fear being injured again, but it is precisely this fear that can lead to injury. It has been said that the only thing to fear is fear itself, and that anyone who says they aren’t afraid is lying. Fear is like any other human emotion, if we deny it we risk it manifesting in a negative and destructive way. Conversely if we embrace it, increase our awareness of it we can learn from it and grow as individuals.

Needless to say I would prefer to take the later path, acknowledge my fear, and move through it.

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The 45th All Japan Aikido Demonstration- Nihon Budokan Tokyo

Blend with the
Universe of Heaven and Earth.
Stand in the center of all.
In your heart take up the stance
Of "The Way of the Mountain Echo".

- Morihei Ueshiba

From 第45回全日本合気道演舞大会

My journey to heart of Japan's martial arts has come around full circle once again. I am humbled, as I always am, to be a part of something so wholesome and rewarding, and to take part once again as a beginner.

This year was my fourth trip to Tokyo for the All Japan Aikido Demonstration. I am grateful for the patient yet firm instruction of Ueno Sensei, Kuroda Sensei and Ishitani Sensei. I am more resilient than ever before and my technique continues to improve due the quality of my training partners, Matsui san, Hata san, Ian Hitcham, Hans Deichstre, Takeuchi san, Sugi san, Steven Charles, Hitomi san, Matsui kun.

I can only hope to be less conspicuous in white next time, although being in white does have it's advantages. People don't expect much from you, so it's good to surprise them once in a while. I noticed that even in the final demonstration, Aikido Doshu M. Ueshiba still wore a white belt. I wonder what the significance, if any he placed on that choice.

One thing is for sure, wearing black without the right spirit has nothing over wearing white with the right spirit. There will quite a bit to follow on last weekend's events, I still have quite a few photos to upload and some video to edit. I'd like to express some of my views on the training we had at the Aikido Honbu on Sunday as well, but that might have to wait until another post.

Until then, yoroshiku ne!

I'll need a little more patience.

Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to put a time limit on this challenge to reach black by the Aikido Conference in Tokyo this weekend. After all I don’t decide when I am ready to take the test, my sensei does. With recent injuries and the general perception that I am not always at the dojo, then I guess it’s fair that I won’t be going to Tokyo in black.

I am excited about taking part in my fourth All Japan Aikido Demonstration, spending time with my dojo friends and training at the Aikido Honbu. Perhaps it will be my last time for quite a while, because early in the next year I will be returning to Australia with my wife and young family, to start a new life.

Aikido has now become a part of my life, and as much as my significant other persists in calling it a hobby, I know there is no way of putting a stop to it. It is as if a the dam walls have been opened and the floodwaters are rushing into the valley below. I am still a beginner, but I am taking steps in the right direction.

So let it flow, I feel relaxed and with five days holiday ahead, there will be plenty of opportunity for recreation.
To tell the truth, I am a little relieved that I won’t have to wear a hakama to the hombu. I’ve heard they can be a little hot and sometimes difficult to move around in. If you are there, you might see me, I’ll be conspicuous in white.

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Friday morning sessions.

It was good to see everyone having fun on Friday morning, I usually find these sessions a bit more relaxed than Saturday or Sunday nights or even Wednesday nights for that matter. I'm not sure how long the dojo has been open on a Friday morning but for a long time Steve and I were the only two students there with Ishitani sensei (centre).

Steve is the big guy on the right, we used to live together before I got married and we would catch the train in from our apartment closer to the centre of town. Steve recently was graded for his black belt and pretty much lives for Aikido, we became friends when we were both searching for a martial art nearly four years ago.

We haven't seen Amber, on Steves right, at the dojo for a while, so it was good to see her putting everything into the session. Amber and I work together, I'd like to think we have a pretty good relationship inside and outside work. It certainly makes you more comfortable with people when they bend your arm at unatural angles behind your back as they are pressing you into the floor.

Sugi san (behind Ishitani sensei) is another regular, and probably is in the dojo 4 times a week. She is a little fragile and injury prone like me, but she throws everything into her training. She also speaks great English, I think the only time I hear her speak Japanese is when she swears, which is not very often.

Matt, on the left of the picture has been doing Aikido for about a year now, and is really doing well. He has a natural athleticism which makes it easy for him to incorporate new techniques. There is often so much to remember about each technique, which can be a bit overwhelming at first, but he has the right spirit and enthusiasm to do well.

So these are the guys I train with, we are an odd bunch, all different shapes and sizes, but we have a lot of fun together. See you all again next Friday, right?

Over thinking.

“Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step. Only he who keeps his eyes fixed on the far horizon will find the right road.”- Dag Hammarskjold, the 2nd UN Secretary-General

I’m over thinking, and how it gets in the way of practice, no amount of thinking about a particular technique will help me become better at it. It is the old paralysis through analysis that that turns a freely executed technique, warts and all, in to a hesitant and harmless exercise.

Yesterday morning we practiced more katatedori kokyunage (wrist hold breath throw :　片手通り呼吸投げ) and tsuki kokyunage (knife strike breath throw : 突き呼吸投げ), and the sensei drew attention to the fact that a technique executed by a white belt is different not only in appearance to the same technique done by a black belt. A white belt is concerned with form and peforming so as not to draw to much attention to their weaknesses. A black belt is concerned with meeting with and directing the opponents energy in accordance with their strengths.

Putting yourself in an advantageous position against an opponent requires an intimate knowledge of where that opponent is in time and space, not just an awareness of your own technique. All too often once the opponent has taken a hold of your wrist it is easy to forget they are there, hoping that a well executed technique will have the desired effect. Entering and disrupting the opponents balance requires that through that contact point, be it the wrist, the shoulder or the waist, you feel the opponents power.

There are usually two erroneous responses to recieving an opponents force. One is to retreat from it too quickly leaving a gap into which the opponent follows (Newtons 1st Law of Motion). The other is to bump up against it, or push it away, which normally results in a equally strong response in opposition (Newtons 3rd Law of Motion). These two principles, pondered upon by Aristotle and Galileo, and enumerated by Newton, are just as important when considering the execution of
Aikido techniques.

The middle ground is to direct the opponents mass moving with a certain acceleration through application of a force (Newtons 2nd Law of Motion). When we combine our technique effectively with the assault of the opponent we acheive a much greater effect than if we were acting alone.

I get the greatest impression of this when we do zagi kokyuhou
(seated breath technique : 座ぎ呼吸法), the harder you push against the opponent the less likely they are to budge, letting the opponent in results in almost immediate defeat. Finding the rythm of your own breath and positively feeling the opponents strength allows you to find a small moment, or opening, that allows you to take control of both of your centres.

Tonights practice is sure to be more preparation for Tokyo, and perhaps another black belt grading. I will take care to be fully aware of not only my own technique but also the strength of my opponent.

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Enter and pivot.

Wednesday night there were only four of us in the dojo, so we had a lot more time to devote to some basic principles. Two fundamental parts of Aikido are the enter (iremi: 入れ身) and pivot (tenkan : 転換), when combined with a sliding step (sabaki : 捌き) they can put you in any corner of the dojo, or more importantly into the best position against any opponent.

Iremi 入れ身
Keeping the centre of gravity low in a half forward stance (hanmihandachi: 半身半立ち), and being aware of the distance between you and your opponent (maai : 間合い) drive forward with the front foot. As your opponent attacks you can easily rush in to meet them in a controlled way. Entering directly via the line of attack, you should be able to defuse that attack before it builds up any momentum. If you commit yourself to entering the opponents space there is no need to fear any attack, empty handed or otherwise.

We practiced this against a stabbing attack (tsuki : 突き). If done correctly, the forward motion and a slight pivot of the hips, turn the waist and shoulders turn parallel to the line attack, putting you in a position of advantage behind the opponent.

Working against multiple opponents, adding the tenkan allows you to turn to face your next aggressor while maintaining your balance and advantage over the first opponent.

Tenkan 転換
Stepping forward with the hind foot, placing it in front of you perpendicular with the line of attack, put yourself on the blind side of your attacker. At the same time draw your rear foot around behind you in an arc, so that you have completed a turn anywhere between 90 and 360 degrees.

You should be now facing your opponent again in the half forward stance, ready to defend against the next attack. Against multiple opponents, the enter and pivot, combined with a sliding step is essential in avoiding harm.

Sabaki 捌き
Of course all of this is easier said than done. Rigidty and inflexibility is just as detrimental to proper execution as a light and floating centre of gravity. The sensei likened the movement of sabaki sometimes to a breath of wind, other times to a rushing wave.

Keeping the centre of gravity low, and driving forward while not allowing the body weight to lift in the slightest, gives Aikido it’s smooth and graceful appearance. It also acts as powerful leverage to get under or behind your opponent and lift them of the ground with a combination of rotating or angular defenses.

I`m looking forward to my next session tommorrow morning, I am going to focus on keeping my centre of gravity low and maintaing form. I still have a little way to go before a full recovery from my whiplash the week before last so I’ll also be hitting the ground as smoothly as possible.

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The liberal arts throw it down in Aikido - Features

The liberal arts throw it down in Aikido - Features

An interesting article (may require registration), that touches on some philosophical aspects of Aikido. There are often questions posed about whether Aikido is a spiritual pursuit, or even religious in nature. Some of this debate can be traced to the O-sensei and his involvement in esoteric shintoism. To the humble practioner most of this debate is irrelevant, it is only practice. Through this practice if positive personal growth is acheived then it is simply a bonus.

The thread continues on AikiWeb, if you want to check it out. Personally, life is a spiritual pursuit, anything that help us in cutting through the layers of illusion around us, and puts us in greater touch with ourselves could be considered spiritual. There is no need to join a club, cult or dojo for that matter, to live a life of spiritual pursuit.

Being a witness.

On Sunday night, I struggled painfully through the first fourty minutes of training, then had the rare privelidge of witnessing a fourth dan grading.

We started the session in much the same fashion as the last couple of weeks, with the black belts throwing us relentlessly into the mats using kokyunage. I managed to make it through about five rounds, and then thought it might be wiser to sit out and grab a camera.

It was a good choice, because pretty much as soon as I did the sensei called for one of our most senior blackbelts to test for his fourth dan. Four the next fourty five minutes the he went through a variety of techniques, most of which he chose freely against stipulated attacks. Throughout the test the sensei called for a greater variety in response to those attacks and gradually increased the both the difficulty of test and number of attackers.

At one stage there were four attackers launching themselves at the candidate willy nilly, at which stage the sensei asked him to get down on his knees to defend from the floor. After successfully dealing with those attackers, and without a chance to catch his breath, he was asked to complete a weapons routine (jo-kata). In the weapons routine there are 31 techniques, which I have trouble remembering when my mind is clear and my body fresh.

The grading continued with defenses against staff, knife and sword. Finally, with great control the candidate dealt with an attempt by an attacker to steal his own sword. The restraint shown in this style of defense epitomises Aikido for me. Even when attacked by an opponent that clearly means to inflict pain and injury, the only just response is to disarm the threat. Even when the opportunity exists to eliminate the threat, in the form of a 1.8 metre razor sharp blade poised above the opponents throat, the only just response is to lay the attacker down and step back as you once again sheath the sword, hopefully without drawing a drop of blood.

The true power in Aikido for me lies in its compassion and restraint. Through its practice we seek to heal not harm, unite not divide, create not destroy. I can only hope to acheive this level of mastery over self, after all, I am sometimes my own worst enemy.

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Dealing with randomness.

“none but ourselves can free our minds”
- Robert Nesta Marley

Yesterday morning at the old dojo I had the priviledge of training with a group of Aikidoka, some new to Aikido and some old friends. Each of us brings something different in spirit to the dojo, our strengths and weaknesses are brought into sharp relief. I notice this most when practicing the same techniques with a variety of partners, some are heavy and resist your movement, others are light and offer little resistance, almost flying away with the slightest touch. Through all of this I am learning to keep my centre, relax completely, drop my weight and extend ki.

Life throws at us challenges of all shapes and sizes, there is no one ideal way to approach every situation. Hopefully through focusing only on my technique, and responding and adapting to these challenges without getting locked up in thought, I can move through life a little more smoothly. There are millions of private thoughts, secrets, negative, positive or otherwise, locked up in our minds, yet we are all born equal in love and life.

Around this time each year I get injured, I wonder if this has something to do with the mental resistance I have against moving forward. Breaking this resistance is a goal larger than any one thing I have to deal with.

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Interrupted consciousness.

With less than a month to go this goal is appearing less likely day by day. Not for want of trying, and perhaps that has been my downfall. On Saturday, in the first 20 minutes of training, I was thrown and landed heavily in a rigid seated position, suffering a mild case of whiplash as my head found it`s point of equilibrium. At the time I thought nothing of it, and felt nothing except for the strange sensation of the back of my head meeting the space between my shoulder blades. I continued to train with out incident, and even felt strong and full of energy for most of our practice, at times urging my partner on.

The next morning I woke with a slight headache and a little stiffness in the shoulders and neck. It wasn’t until I blew my nose that I noticed anything wrong. With the first hint of pressure, there was a rush of blood to my head and an intense pain shooting from the base of my skull, through my temples and to the front of my head. Any sharp movement of my head, forward or back, left or right, would bring a similar response. The headache subsided during the course of the morning, but reappeared shortly after lunch.

I decided to take a rest with the intention of heading back to the dojo later the evening if my condition improved, and sure enough, after an hour or so horizontal it did. It wasn’t until I hit the mat for the first time that I felt anything. Yet again it was the same pain shooting across my head in the same direction. This time accompanied by spotty vision, no doubt it was time to call it a night. I spent the rest of the evenings training session in seiza, watching the efforts and techniques of my fellow aikidoka.

At the urging of the others at the dojo, and on the recommendation of my mother in law, I visited a chiropractic clinic yesterday. I was concerned that the chiropractor would not pay the same kind of attention to the symptoms of concussion as a general practioner, but was grateful for the manipulation I recieved. The headache, although mild is now in it’s fourth day, and gradually subsiding. I don’t have any real neck or shoulder pain above what I would normally feel in the course of a week.

Most of Monday morning I spent researching concussion and recovery timelines. What I had was a very mild form of concussion cause by whiplash and the cerebral meninge has taken some time to recover from swelling. Quite a frightening experience, and not worth risking permanent brain damage to force a timeline for acheiving any kind of recognition in a sport.

I have one more treatment session at the chiropractic clinic on Friday morning and after that I should be able to make a decision to return to training or not.

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Explorations in Aiki.

With my fifth year in Aikido fast approaching, the realisation that, through all it’s twists and turns, this journey has become a very personal one for me. From my earliest introductions to budo, losing the way somewhat in my teenage years, up until now, there has been one constant. In a violent and threatening situation, a world full of uncertainty, there is only one thing you can rely on, and that is yourself. Being on the path of Aikido is a spiritual journey as much as a physical one, this journey exists for me in only one sense – to become a better person.
As I approach this goal of black belt, I think to myself over and over again, this is just the beginning. This is not a symbol of attainment, but of invitation. It is not the culmination of almost five years of training but the opening of yet another window on a lifelong journey.

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Preparing for the Aikido conference.

Last night we began the process of preparing for our demonstration at the all Japan Aikido conference at the end of May. Ideally this is when I would like to be in black, although I now realise that having unrealistic expectations may dampen my enthusiasm once the conference is over. I am attempting to detach myself emotionally from the outcome and concentrate on my performance on the mat.
As has become customary over the last couple of weeks, we began with 十本 (juppon – ten throws per opponent), with only four in attendance the rotations came pretty fast. The sensei limited us to the use of one waza, 呼吸投げ　（kokyuunage – breath throw) which can be quite devastating if done with the right timing.
As stragglers filtered into the dojo, they too joined the fun. After about an hour of this we paired up for partnered practice for the demonstration. My partners were Ishitani sensei, and Sugi san, we practiced a variety of responses to 片手取　（katatedori – one hand holding one hand).
After practice Ishitani sensei, commented that my stamina was much better than last year, must be all the walking I am doing!

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Training at the old dojo.

“We are made out of oppositions; we live between two poles you don’t reconcile the poles, you just recognize them.”
- Orson Welles

Today after a week and a bit laid low with a cold I trained with the sensei and one other at the old dojo in Myoujo. It has been a while since I have been able to train on Friday mornings at the old dojo. I enjoy training there, the tatami is hard, and the sun beats down through the southern windows. It is easy to work up a sweat, and I think I enjoy training during in the morning, when my body is fresh.

Today we concentrated on katate dori, a defense against a one handed wrist grab, finishing off with sumiotoshi, or “corner drop” throw. Receiving the your partners energy in this move and protecting yourself as you pivot, their arm becomes a rod with which you drop them.

I really enjoyed the opportunity to focus on just this one technique all morning. I think I am coming to a better understanding of it each time we practice like this.

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Being on the receiving end.

“The goal is not to have but to be, not to own but to give, not to control but to share, not to subdue but to be in accord.”
- Abraham Heschel

The good Rabbi might well have talking about Aikido when he wrote this. From it`s inception Aikido was meant to do no harm, Aikido (合気道) can be read as the way of meeting energy, and interpreted as promoting harmony with even your enemy.

In our daily practice we learn to become good at falling and being thrown, as much as we learn to throw and immobilise. The sensei had a message for us last night about being on the receiving end (受身), we were thrown solidly in turn over 200 times, for close to 2 hours.

Almost 40 minutes in to training, as the pounding was starting to take it`s toll on us we shifted from rounds of 10 (十本) to rounds of 30 (三十本). It was then that two of our newest members of the dojo straggled in, a mother and son, they couldn`t have come at a less fortunate time I remember thinking.

As they were thrown, their technical weaknesses in falling were exposed, and gently but firmly corrected. For the young boy it was perhaps the first time to be thrown in such a way repeatedly, but each time after being thrown to the ground, legs still shaking, breathing erratically, he would rise take one step and be thrown again. Eventually with his belt undone and uniform open he was allowed to return to his mothers side.

What I witnessed was certainly an initiation of sorts, the boy was learning to deal with his fear of being thrown, and once he had done with that he was learning to stand again.

The sensei spoke the whole time as this was happening, mostly words of encouragement, firm and direct. His message to the rest of the class was that as your body grows tired and you are unable to move except through force of will, you acheive the best technique. Your body loses it`s rigidity, as result of thinking too hard about your technique, and simply chooses the path of least resistance.

I truly am grateful for the opportunity to practice with such a dedicated teacher, he is truly cast from a mould that was discarded long ago.

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Inspired.

I watched the kids class before mine, and saw how they moved without apprehension and fear, saw how they leapt into everything with abandon and thought how I could do the same.
I want to be a good opponent, I want to be off the floor first and running straight back at you when you knock me down. But, when I take you in a lock, or throw you to the floor I want you to feel no pain, just the speed and inevetablity of your passage to submission.

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I`m on target.

In April I am doing less ovetime, so I should be able to make to the dojo 3 times a week if not more. Wednesdays class was good, we did a lot on of Tenchi nage (heaven and earth throw). I should really pay more attention to what these words actually mean, it would help conceptualize the intended form of the technique. I probably need to do more reading on what is expected of me in the grading.

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Psyched up for tonight.

I didn`t get to the dojo last week due to work and other commitments but this week I am psyched! Tonight and Wednesday night, from next month I hope to get to the dojo three nights a week.
I need to do friday mornings sessions that means asking my mother-in-law to baby-sit, hope fully in return forme being home on Saturday mornings. I`m doing less overtime next month. My black will only come with sacrifice.

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Wednesday night waza.

I felt much better tonight about tobi ukemi (basically a front flip), and was able to be consistent with it despite the hardness of the dojo floor.

We practiced yokomenuchi for at least one and a half hours and did five variations of defense. I may not be able to make it to the dojo this weekend, due to work and other commitments.

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Shodan waza.

On Wednesday night I trained with four other students, one of whom will be doing the same test for shodan. When asked to perform as many techniques for my black as I could remember, I came up with ten techniques excluding the five fundamentals. I should be able to do another 5-10 freely to be able to pass the test, but I feel much more confident about it now.

The next highest number of techniques anyone could do was five, most of us forgot either ura or omote for each waza. I need to remember if I can do either omote or ura I should be able to do the other.

I need to check my Aikido handbook to see exactly which waza are expected of me in the test. Sooner would be better than later.

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I want black!

The Japanese Aikido conference in Tokyo is at the end of May and I want to be in black before I go. I`ll need a little time to wear-in my hakama, so I am hoping to be invited to grade for it in April.

March is my last month of six day weeks at work, from next month, I`ll be able to go to the dojo three times a week, maybe more. I`m feeling pretty positive about it, this was one of the reasons I came to Japan and I`ll feel like I can go home once I get it. I`ll need to stay rested and not spend so much time in front of the computer.

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I can't remember exactly when this photograph was taken but it must have been soon after my first black belt grading. As you can see I am young, perhaps 13 years old, but already by this stage I had been training in Budo for more than half my life.
We all start from very simple beginnings, and when I see this photograph, I am reminded to maintain this humble outlook. I am once again a beginner and the road I am travelling is very long.

The journey of a thousand miles.

They say that the journey of a thousand miles starts but with a single step. Join me on this journey in aiki, from shodan to the great beyond.

宇宙合気