Dealing with randomness.

“none but ourselves can free our minds”
- Robert Nesta Marley

Yesterday morning at the old dojo I had the priviledge of training with a group of Aikidoka, some new to Aikido and some old friends. Each of us brings something different in spirit to the dojo, our strengths and weaknesses are brought into sharp relief. I notice this most when practicing the same techniques with a variety of partners, some are heavy and resist your movement, others are light and offer little resistance, almost flying away with the slightest touch. Through all of this I am learning to keep my centre, relax completely, drop my weight and extend ki.

Life throws at us challenges of all shapes and sizes, there is no one ideal way to approach every situation. Hopefully through focusing only on my technique, and responding and adapting to these challenges without getting locked up in thought, I can move through life a little more smoothly. There are millions of private thoughts, secrets, negative, positive or otherwise, locked up in our minds, yet we are all born equal in love and life.

Around this time each year I get injured, I wonder if this has something to do with the mental resistance I have against moving forward. Breaking this resistance is a goal larger than any one thing I have to deal with.

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Interrupted consciousness.

With less than a month to go this goal is appearing less likely day by day. Not for want of trying, and perhaps that has been my downfall. On Saturday, in the first 20 minutes of training, I was thrown and landed heavily in a rigid seated position, suffering a mild case of whiplash as my head found it`s point of equilibrium. At the time I thought nothing of it, and felt nothing except for the strange sensation of the back of my head meeting the space between my shoulder blades. I continued to train with out incident, and even felt strong and full of energy for most of our practice, at times urging my partner on.

The next morning I woke with a slight headache and a little stiffness in the shoulders and neck. It wasn’t until I blew my nose that I noticed anything wrong. With the first hint of pressure, there was a rush of blood to my head and an intense pain shooting from the base of my skull, through my temples and to the front of my head. Any sharp movement of my head, forward or back, left or right, would bring a similar response. The headache subsided during the course of the morning, but reappeared shortly after lunch.

I decided to take a rest with the intention of heading back to the dojo later the evening if my condition improved, and sure enough, after an hour or so horizontal it did. It wasn’t until I hit the mat for the first time that I felt anything. Yet again it was the same pain shooting across my head in the same direction. This time accompanied by spotty vision, no doubt it was time to call it a night. I spent the rest of the evenings training session in seiza, watching the efforts and techniques of my fellow aikidoka.

At the urging of the others at the dojo, and on the recommendation of my mother in law, I visited a chiropractic clinic yesterday. I was concerned that the chiropractor would not pay the same kind of attention to the symptoms of concussion as a general practioner, but was grateful for the manipulation I recieved. The headache, although mild is now in it’s fourth day, and gradually subsiding. I don’t have any real neck or shoulder pain above what I would normally feel in the course of a week.

Most of Monday morning I spent researching concussion and recovery timelines. What I had was a very mild form of concussion cause by whiplash and the cerebral meninge has taken some time to recover from swelling. Quite a frightening experience, and not worth risking permanent brain damage to force a timeline for acheiving any kind of recognition in a sport.

I have one more treatment session at the chiropractic clinic on Friday morning and after that I should be able to make a decision to return to training or not.

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Explorations in Aiki.

With my fifth year in Aikido fast approaching, the realisation that, through all it’s twists and turns, this journey has become a very personal one for me. From my earliest introductions to budo, losing the way somewhat in my teenage years, up until now, there has been one constant. In a violent and threatening situation, a world full of uncertainty, there is only one thing you can rely on, and that is yourself. Being on the path of Aikido is a spiritual journey as much as a physical one, this journey exists for me in only one sense – to become a better person.
As I approach this goal of black belt, I think to myself over and over again, this is just the beginning. This is not a symbol of attainment, but of invitation. It is not the culmination of almost five years of training but the opening of yet another window on a lifelong journey.

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Preparing for the Aikido conference.

Last night we began the process of preparing for our demonstration at the all Japan Aikido conference at the end of May. Ideally this is when I would like to be in black, although I now realise that having unrealistic expectations may dampen my enthusiasm once the conference is over. I am attempting to detach myself emotionally from the outcome and concentrate on my performance on the mat.
As has become customary over the last couple of weeks, we began with 十本 (juppon – ten throws per opponent), with only four in attendance the rotations came pretty fast. The sensei limited us to the use of one waza, 呼吸投げ　（kokyuunage – breath throw) which can be quite devastating if done with the right timing.
As stragglers filtered into the dojo, they too joined the fun. After about an hour of this we paired up for partnered practice for the demonstration. My partners were Ishitani sensei, and Sugi san, we practiced a variety of responses to 片手取　（katatedori – one hand holding one hand).
After practice Ishitani sensei, commented that my stamina was much better than last year, must be all the walking I am doing!

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Training at the old dojo.

“We are made out of oppositions; we live between two poles you don’t reconcile the poles, you just recognize them.”
- Orson Welles

Today after a week and a bit laid low with a cold I trained with the sensei and one other at the old dojo in Myoujo. It has been a while since I have been able to train on Friday mornings at the old dojo. I enjoy training there, the tatami is hard, and the sun beats down through the southern windows. It is easy to work up a sweat, and I think I enjoy training during in the morning, when my body is fresh.

Today we concentrated on katate dori, a defense against a one handed wrist grab, finishing off with sumiotoshi, or “corner drop” throw. Receiving the your partners energy in this move and protecting yourself as you pivot, their arm becomes a rod with which you drop them.

I really enjoyed the opportunity to focus on just this one technique all morning. I think I am coming to a better understanding of it each time we practice like this.

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Being on the receiving end.

“The goal is not to have but to be, not to own but to give, not to control but to share, not to subdue but to be in accord.”
- Abraham Heschel

The good Rabbi might well have talking about Aikido when he wrote this. From it`s inception Aikido was meant to do no harm, Aikido (合気道) can be read as the way of meeting energy, and interpreted as promoting harmony with even your enemy.

In our daily practice we learn to become good at falling and being thrown, as much as we learn to throw and immobilise. The sensei had a message for us last night about being on the receiving end (受身), we were thrown solidly in turn over 200 times, for close to 2 hours.

Almost 40 minutes in to training, as the pounding was starting to take it`s toll on us we shifted from rounds of 10 (十本) to rounds of 30 (三十本). It was then that two of our newest members of the dojo straggled in, a mother and son, they couldn`t have come at a less fortunate time I remember thinking.

As they were thrown, their technical weaknesses in falling were exposed, and gently but firmly corrected. For the young boy it was perhaps the first time to be thrown in such a way repeatedly, but each time after being thrown to the ground, legs still shaking, breathing erratically, he would rise take one step and be thrown again. Eventually with his belt undone and uniform open he was allowed to return to his mothers side.

What I witnessed was certainly an initiation of sorts, the boy was learning to deal with his fear of being thrown, and once he had done with that he was learning to stand again.

The sensei spoke the whole time as this was happening, mostly words of encouragement, firm and direct. His message to the rest of the class was that as your body grows tired and you are unable to move except through force of will, you acheive the best technique. Your body loses it`s rigidity, as result of thinking too hard about your technique, and simply chooses the path of least resistance.

I truly am grateful for the opportunity to practice with such a dedicated teacher, he is truly cast from a mould that was discarded long ago.

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Inspired.

I watched the kids class before mine, and saw how they moved without apprehension and fear, saw how they leapt into everything with abandon and thought how I could do the same.
I want to be a good opponent, I want to be off the floor first and running straight back at you when you knock me down. But, when I take you in a lock, or throw you to the floor I want you to feel no pain, just the speed and inevetablity of your passage to submission.

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I`m on target.

In April I am doing less ovetime, so I should be able to make to the dojo 3 times a week if not more. Wednesdays class was good, we did a lot on of Tenchi nage (heaven and earth throw). I should really pay more attention to what these words actually mean, it would help conceptualize the intended form of the technique. I probably need to do more reading on what is expected of me in the grading.

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Psyched up for tonight.

I didn`t get to the dojo last week due to work and other commitments but this week I am psyched! Tonight and Wednesday night, from next month I hope to get to the dojo three nights a week.
I need to do friday mornings sessions that means asking my mother-in-law to baby-sit, hope fully in return forme being home on Saturday mornings. I`m doing less overtime next month. My black will only come with sacrifice.

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Wednesday night waza.

I felt much better tonight about tobi ukemi (basically a front flip), and was able to be consistent with it despite the hardness of the dojo floor.

We practiced yokomenuchi for at least one and a half hours and did five variations of defense. I may not be able to make it to the dojo this weekend, due to work and other commitments.

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Shodan waza.

On Wednesday night I trained with four other students, one of whom will be doing the same test for shodan. When asked to perform as many techniques for my black as I could remember, I came up with ten techniques excluding the five fundamentals. I should be able to do another 5-10 freely to be able to pass the test, but I feel much more confident about it now.

The next highest number of techniques anyone could do was five, most of us forgot either ura or omote for each waza. I need to remember if I can do either omote or ura I should be able to do the other.

I need to check my Aikido handbook to see exactly which waza are expected of me in the test. Sooner would be better than later.

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I want black!

The Japanese Aikido conference in Tokyo is at the end of May and I want to be in black before I go. I`ll need a little time to wear-in my hakama, so I am hoping to be invited to grade for it in April.

March is my last month of six day weeks at work, from next month, I`ll be able to go to the dojo three times a week, maybe more. I`m feeling pretty positive about it, this was one of the reasons I came to Japan and I`ll feel like I can go home once I get it. I`ll need to stay rested and not spend so much time in front of the computer.

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I can't remember exactly when this photograph was taken but it must have been soon after my first black belt grading. As you can see I am young, perhaps 13 years old, but already by this stage I had been training in Budo for more than half my life.
We all start from very simple beginnings, and when I see this photograph, I am reminded to maintain this humble outlook. I am once again a beginner and the road I am travelling is very long.

The journey of a thousand miles.

They say that the journey of a thousand miles starts but with a single step. Join me on this journey in aiki, from shodan to the great beyond.

宇宙合気